We're way behind

And I am sure no one is reading anymore, but here is a Sunday morning tale that will, hopefully, cause you to be more understanding about why my posts are so few and far between.

Weekday mornings getting ready is not all that stressful. JM and I are both home and what we can't get to, Mrs. Ann comes in and pulls together before it is time for us to walk out the door. This is NOT the case on Sunday mornings. Sunday morning at our house is a CIRCUS!!!! JM is usually out the door no later than 7:30 am. So, that leaves me with three kiddos, breakfast, dressing, and driving to church. I am not complaining. A few hours a week of chaos is what being a mom is all about....you just need to know the set-up so you can enjoy the irony of the story. The following things have happened on Sunday mornings
Max has been found (by my dad) walking around the front yard in his undies
Max has put on Maggie's clothes and Maggie has put on Max's
The trim in my house has been redecorated with a sharpie (Thanks, Maggie)
Maggie has used the "Warmth" from my bare minerals to give, Ariel, Jack, Max and herself a makeover
Max has poured his drink on to the table and encouraged everyone (Maggie) to "drink like a puppy"
Max and Maggie together have attempted to "catch" Swimmy, our goldfish with their hands so they could "give him a drink of water" I am not lying to you that is what they actually said to me.

Now that you know all the things that have happened at our house on any given Sunday, the following story will sound small, completely typical, and insignificant.
JM was home this past Sunday and helped get the kids ready. The flaw in our "get ready, so we can leave early" plan really has two components. 1.) We were overly prepared and the kiddos were ready ahead of time. 2.) We had left over birthday cupcakes in the house. There was the regular "getting dressed" talk of shoes, socks, hairbows and brushes. However, the most frequent talk sounded like this: "Max stay away from the cupcakes," Max, get out of the kitchen," Max, don't look at the cupcakes," "Max walk away from the cupcakes"...you can probably see where this is going.
So, we make it, and everyone is ready. I take Jack and walk over to my mother's house to get him in his car seat because we are all riding together. As I walk out of the house, "John Mark says, we are right behind you." I am at my mother's for about ten minutes and still no John Mark or the big kids. So, Emy and I drive over to my house. JM and the big kids are not waiting outside. I transfer the remainging car seats from the Blazer to my mom's car. Still the rest of my family has not exited my house. I realize at this point something has happened and even though I don't really want to know what is going to keep us from getting to church on time, I go in the house to find out. Max has finally gotten to the cupcakes and the proof is a faded orange spot on his shirt that JM has been trying for the past ten minutes to get out. I quickly make the decision that Max will just have to go with a faded orange spot on his shirt . (I will insert right here that the choice for me to let him go with a spot on his shirt rather than choosing to undress all three kids and re-dress them in matching outfits that are clean is a huge step for me. But, that accomplishment is for another blog and another time.) JM quickly fills me in how it all went down, and then I ask, "So what did you do to Max?" JM says, "I told him that he had to go to church with a spot on his shirt and he would look messy and I slapped him around." I did not think twice about it. I knew JM had not slapped Max. I knew that Max had gotten a spanking, which at our house is one paddle on the legs. We got in the car and we left for church.

That is where the story stops being typical, insignigcant, and/or small, because this is how Maggie relayed the morning's events to the lady who checked us in at church.

Church Lady: "Good morning, Maggie"
Maggie: "You know what...my brother got cupcake all over his shirt and he looks messy and it
is gross."
Me (talking at the same time as church lady): "Maggie, that is not nice."
Churchlady (talking at the same time as me): "Oh, that's ok"
Maggie (talking over both of us): "And you know what my Papa was so mean to Max and he was
telling him he got dirty and...
Again Church lady and I start talking and the same time: "I'm sure your Papa wasn't being
mean" "No, Maggie, Daddy was just
telling Max.."
Maggie talks louder drowning out both of us: "And then my Papa SLAPPED Max and I was so
sad and telling my Papa to stop."
Me (my face is red, and I can just see the Lifetime Movie Maggie is playing out for this lady): "Maggie, be quiet. That is not what happened,"

Emy steps in and gets Max and Maggie to their classrooms and I try to explain how JM said he had "slapped Max around" but he was just kidding. I am not really sure what I said. I am pretty sure it was something gay like.."Kids, what can you do?" To church lady's credit she was very understanding. And, by lunch time my face was no longer red. Child protective Services has not called our house. Maggie is beginning to learn all about figurative language. And, I remind myself that Sunday is the day of the week reserved to worship our God of Wonders and the most miraculous of those wonders are my children...no matter what.